top surgery tomorrow (excited…and a little nervous)

Yesterday I sat at the round glass table in my mother’s kitchen and read through the pre- and post-op care instructions for Thursday. My last day in San Francisco was packed to the brim: science festival scheming, DNA sequencing, coral lecture, meeting with visiting researcher, and packing for two weeks in Florida, all before I hoped on a red eye. It wasn’t unlike my last few months, it seems that happiness and business go hand in hand.

I got really nervous last night. Actually, I got scared. Surgery is scary. Being in the hospital is scary. And triggering. My earliest memories on this planet are of my experience with cancer as a 3-year-old. The hospital in Chicago was large, huge from my vantage point. I always trusted that everyone knew what they were doing. As I grew up, I learned that they don’t. Lots of things go wrong in hospitals. It’s irksome.

I left my pre-op appointment feeling a lot more confident and excited. My surgery is at 7:30am EST, so while all of you back home in SF are sleeping…I’ll be gaining access to 50% more of my body. Nerves aside, I can’t believe this day is finally here. I’m looking forward to a freedom I’ve craved for so long.

While I was waiting for my pre-op appointment, I sat with my mom in the waiting room filled with other transguys and their moms. There were all sorts of levels of nervousness present. When I first walked in, my instinct was to say hi to everyone (but then I remembered we were in a doctors office). I looked around at all these moms and thought, wow, you’ve all shared that moment,  when your kids says “I have something to tell you…”.

I hear that I’ll be pretty bed-bound the first week post-op. If you have time, send me an email (letters, baby/puppy pics, food pics, haikus, youtube vids, science links…I’ll take anything), I’d love to hear from you.

On a funny note: I just spent 30 minutes wrestling with my nipple rings. For ten years they’ve helped me feel less naked when naked. It was a good run guys.

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